


he caught me crying

by corporate_hotline



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, New Year's Eve, Not Canon Compliant, Underage Drinking, i just ignored blue's curse and im covering for that lol, lowkey super cliche but i dont care oops, tbh the magic isn't even relevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25585696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corporate_hotline/pseuds/corporate_hotline
Summary: between cups four and five, someone (cheng? adam remembers spiky hair, but that could be a number of aglionby boys) asked him to do a shot, so he did, because fuck it. at cup six, the room started spinning.at cup seven, he found himself crying into ronan’s shoulder in the corner of the crowded living room.or: adam doesn't drink, but when he does, he gets hammered off pink whitney and cries at a high school nye party
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 11
Kudos: 152





	1. pt one

**Author's Note:**

> title is from 'boy in jeans' by ryan beatty bc damn that's the perfect pynch song
> 
> pt 2 should be up tomorrow night, its just 1am and i don't think i can get it done tn.
> 
> this is more fun and goofy than my last two fics bc tbh i got some rlly awful news today and i just generally feel rlly down so i needed something fun and goofy. its also pretty unedited so lmk if i made a mistake.
> 
> enjoy!

He doesn’t know why he did it. Adam Parrish doesn’t drink, everyone knows that. Nothing about it seems all that appealing. Alcohol didn’t strike him as particularly enticing - or at least the kind that his father drank didn’t. The other party guests were already drunk out of their minds, and the experience as a whole was just not something he thought he needed. But then Ronan was offering him a cup, something that didn’t smell like piss or rubbing alcohol, and for some reason, he took it. 

Adam didn’t intend on drinking at all, much less getting absolutely fucking hammered, but every time his cup emptied, Ronan filled it with the same mysterious drink before he could object. He still wasn’t really sure what he was drinking - it’s not like he was well-versed in the cheap alcohol available at this party - but it was pink and sugary, and a little sour, and it burned a bit going down, but after a while, he didn’t notice. It tasted fine, he felt in control of himself, possibly a little tipsy and a little giddy, so he took a second, third, fourth cup. Between cups four and five, someone (Cheng? He remembers spiky hair, but that could be a number of Aglionby boys) asked him to do a shot, so he did, because fuck it. At cup six, the room started spinning.

At cup seven, he found himself crying into Ronan’s shoulder in the corner of the crowded living room.

“Ronan, I”  _ hic  _ “I’m not gonna have someone to”  _ hic _ “to  _ kiss _ , and it’s  _ New Year’s Eve _ .” He clutched at Ronan’s tank top with both fists and rested his head on his chest, leaving a little wet spot from his pathetic, drunken tears. He wasn’t sad, but he was kind of on the verge of blacking out, and Gansey had stumbled into him a couple of minutes ago asking where Blue was so he could get ready for his New Year’s Kiss, and it occurred to Adam that  _ he _ didn’t have anyone to kiss, and he started crying. Ronan, ever the gentleman, had dragged them into a corner to save him from embarrassment. (The way Adam was clinging to Ronan would be embarrassing enough when he was sober, not everyone needs to see him sob.) “I’m all  _ alone _ , Ronan, oh my God.”

Ronan, who had definitely drunk just as much as Adam but had managed to keep his composure, wrapped his arm around Adam and awkwardly patted his shoulder. “Christ, Parrish, it’s fine, go find someone to kiss then.”

Adam sniffled. “But  _ who? _ ” Ronan shrugged.

“Fuck if I know. Go share the maggot with Dick.” Ronan scanned the room over Adam’s head. “Or pick one of these townie girls. They’ll kiss it better so you can stop fucking weeping.” Adam lifted his head off Ronan’s chest to look up at him.

“Ronan, come with me. I can’t kiss Blue because, um,” he swallowed another hiccup before continuing, “I don’t know if you remember this, Ronan, but we sort of used to date, and I think she’s with Gansey now anyway, but she didn’t want to kiss me in the first place, so she definitely doesn’t want to kiss me now. And the town girls are  _ scary _ , they’ll eat me up if I go up  _ crying _ so Ronan, please, please just go with me and find girls for both of us, please, Ronan.” 

It was funny, really, how Adam would just  _ not shut up _ . Ronan hadn’t pegged him for the emotional, rambling type, but it was certainly amusing to see him without the carefully crafted discipline he usually walked around with. Adam had told Henry that his hair was “way too ugly for someone with this much money,” and then proceeded to take a shot of Svedka with him. Drunk Adam was truly a hilarious sight. 

But talking about  _ kissing  _ with Drunk Adam was not all that funny. It felt like a no-no zone for Ronan. He wasn’t completely sober himself, and while he was nowhere near as gone as fucking crybaby Parrish, he couldn’t trust himself to not let something slip. So he tried to do what he must to shut it down: find Adam a girl that was equally trashed and let them get to it. 

He was certainly not going to  _ go with him _ .

“Adam,” Ronan said, pushing at his chest to make him stand up straighter. “I am not going to ask a girl to kiss you. For literally any number of reasons.” Adam whimpered and looked up at him. His face was red and splotchy, his hair slightly mussed from burying his face into Ronan’s tank top. Ronan felt himself reach out and wipe some of the tears from his cheeks. He knew it was because he was head over fucking heels for this idiot in front of him. He decided to blame it on his fifth rum and Coke.

“Why not?” Adam whined. It made perfect sense. Neither of them had a New Year’s kiss, and Adam didn’t consider himself particularly superstitious, but there had to be someone at this damn party that would kiss him. And it’s not like Ronan would have a problem finding someone, too; he was unfairly attractive, even with the alcohol-induced redness coloring his cheeks. “At least one of these girls has to be your type, please, you don’t even have to know her name,  _ I just wanna kiss someone _ .” Ronan snorted.

“I can guarantee right fucking now, none of these girls is my type.” Adam blinked at him.

“Find a boy! We go to an all-boys school, there’s gotta be more gay guys than just the two of us.” He started to turn away, scanning the room for someone to kiss, anyone, dear God, don’t let him start the new year alone. Ronan grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

“Two of us?” he asked, not letting go. Adam blinked again like it’s perfectly obvious.

“Yes? Why are you acting like you didn’t know this? You make no sense sometimes, I swear-” he stopped abruptly, eyes lighting up. “ _ Oh!  _ Oh! I get it! Yes, you’re so right!” 

Ronan had never been more fucking confused in his life.

When had Adam figured out that Ronan was gay? They had never had that conversation. But more importantly- since when was Adam fucking gay? Was Ronan just supposed to know that? Just fucking figure it out? What the actual fuck. He said maybe thirty seconds ago that he had gone out with Blue. And he was okay with finding a girl to kiss. So he’s bisexual? Okay. Ronan was still unsure of why Adam expected him to already know this information, but okay. On to the next question.

“What am I right about?” Adam furrowed his brows and grabbed at Ronan’s shirt again, pulling them closer together.

“We should kiss. We’re here, we’re friends, we both don’t have anyone else-”

“Fuckin’ rude, I could find someone if I wanted.”

“-No, shut up, I’m talking now. It makes sense. We can kiss! Oh, when is the countdown, are we ready?”

Scratch that. Ronan was now even more confused than 30 seconds ago.

Ronan grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back slightly. “Parrish. You don’t want to kiss me.” Adam squirmed under his hands and moved in close again.

“ _ Yes,  _ I  _ do, _ come on, Ronan! Kiss me!”

For weeks-- no, months. No. Years. For  _ years, _ Ronan had been waiting for Adam to say those words. Waiting to finally give in to what he wanted. Ronan never took more from Adam than what was given, even in dreams. He never wanted to force him into something he didn’t want. And here Adam was, standing in front of him, practically begging him to kiss him.

So why did it feel so wrong?

Ronan stared at Adam with a heavy gaze. “Parrish. You’re drunk. You don’t want this.” Adam huffed and shook Ronan by the sleeves of his tank top.

“You’re drunk, too! And I know you want to kiss me, so would you please just do it? Christ, it’s not that hard, I’m not that repulsive.” It made no sense. Adam  _ knew _ Ronan liked him. He had caught his lingering eyes on him more than enough times to not be a coincidence. It was obvious, Ronan’s not the most emotionally complex person on this earth, and he doesn’t fucking lie, so--

Oh. Right. He doesn’t lie.

“Ronan,” Adam said. “Do you want to kiss me right now?” Ronan’s body went tense, his jaw clenching. 

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Adam.”

Not a lie, but not really a truth. Not an answer at all. But that alone was enough to confirm what Adam had already thought.

“So, just do it.”

The energy in the room suddenly picked up. The unintelligible party sounds turned into a clear countdown, starting from fifteen. Ronan and Adam only had eyes for each other.

_ Three. _

_ Two. _

_ One. _

They leaned in. Lips met lips. Hands went from shoulders to waist to skin under a rucked-up tank top. Noses brushed. Tongues explored. They pulled back, breathing roughly. Ronan brought his mouth up to Adam’s good ear.

“Come find me when you’re sober.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said, pt 2 coming at u tmrw. idk how this idea came to me but once i started it spiraled and now its gonna be longer than i thought. hopefully u r looking forward to the next part :)
> 
> also like i said, today was pretty awful, but kudos and comments give me life and happiness, so plz plz plz lmk if u enjoyed. this was fun to write! and i rlly love seeing people enjoy my writing so yeah.
> 
> anyways hope u all have a lovely evening/day and ill see u tmrw :D


	2. pt two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when this was supposed to just be two parts... yeah me too but sike there's gonna be a part three, bc i have no self control
> 
> anyways here's pt 2. once again, only been edited by me, so i apologize for any mistakes.

Hangover, Adam discovered, was indeed a bitch.

He woke up on the couch at Monmouth with a nasty taste in his mouth and a hazy memory. After the events of last night, he couldn’t trust himself to bike back to St. Agnes, and there certainly wasn’t anyone to drive him there, so he crashed with Gansey. Ronan, it seems, had not come back with them. Adam wasn’t sure where he ended up, actually. He disappeared right after midnight.

Right after the kiss.

Adam flopped back onto the couch as memories came rushing in. He hadn’t blacked out, thank the Lord, but it did take him a while to fully recall what had gone down. Ten minutes and a pounding headache later, he had a decent mental list of the events.

First, Ronan gave him a drink. Fucker.

Second, Adam continued to drink said drink in unreasonable proportions and promptly got fucking hammered.

Third, Adam took a shot with Henry Cheng. He will not be speaking of that ever again.

Fourth, he started crying to Ronan because he didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight.

Fifth, Ronan kissed him. At midnight. Adam was somewhat unsure of how they got to that moment, but it definitely happened.

Sixth, Ronan left. “ _Come find me when you’re sober_.”

Shit! Fuck! Christ on a motherfucking bike, Adam’s never drinking again.

Why, why, _why_ did he kiss Ronan? Is he stupid? Adam knew how Ronan felt. He knew that Ronan wanted him. So why would he fucking kiss him? Adam didn’t want to mess around with him. But he also wasn’t really expecting Ronan to agree. Ronan had never made any moves in the past. So why was last night different?

On a more important note, Adam had to deal with Ronan’s request. _Come find me when you’re sober_. Should he do it? Should Adam go find him? To be honest, that scared him. What should he say? “I’m sorry I kissed you, I was drunk?” 

To be honest, Adam wasn’t sure that he _was_ sorry.

Adam had kept all feelings towards Ronan tucked away in a little mental box ever since they first met. He knew that Ronan was attractive; how could he not be, with his high cheekbones and sharp smile and wicked tattoo? But when they first became friends, Adam was still figuring out who he was, and at that time, he wasn’t someone who was attracted to boys. So he ignored that. And then it became a habit to just ignore any emotion towards Ronan that wasn’t entirely platonic. 

However, it seems that the alcohol had torn that little box open, letting loose all the shit that Adam had desperately been trying to keep hidden. Ronan is hot, Ronan likes him, Ronan was right in front of him, his lips practically begging to be kissed. So Adam kissed him. 

Adam had kissed people before, a couple girls from his old school and one boy behind the Aglionby bleachers. But none of them felt like Ronan did. Even with the alcohol making things hazy, the way Ronan kissed was not something Adam would soon forget. He kissed Adam hungrily and hard like he wanted to devour him whole. But he also kissed Adam with a touch of tenderness, not wanting to push his limits. Adam distinctly remembered Ronan’s hands in his hair, on his neck, at the small of his back.

Adam was definitely not sorry. 

Adam became aware of Gansey stirring in his bed. He woke with a stretch and a groan, and blinked a couple times before spotting Adam on the couch. “Adam. What time is it?” Adam checked his watch.

“11:00.” Gansey groaned again. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like my head is a ton of bricks. You?”

“Like I might vomit. Or die. Or both.” Gansey nodded. “Hey, do you know where Ronan ended up?” Adam figured it was better to just get this over with. He still didn’t know what to expect when talking with Ronan, but he didn’t want to sit around and torture himself. Gansey squinted at him.

“No, I thought he was with you?” he said. Adam sighed. Regardless of what happened today, Gansey should know the truth.

“He was,” he admitted. “But remember when I started crying?”

“No. I remember very little.”

“Oh. Okay, well, I started crying because I didn’t have a New Year’s Kiss, and he was, like, comforting me or whatever, and then I kissed him at midnight, and he took off.” Adam watched as Gansey’s face went from neutral, to confused, to more confused, and finally to concerned.

“You – you kissed him?” he repeated.

“Yes. And then he left. Please try to keep up, I want to find him sometime today.” Gansey shook his head.

“Adam,” he started. “Adam, you know Ronan. He’s… intense. He’s not someone to be played with.” Adam rolled his eyes.

“You don’t think I know that?” he said. “That’s why I’m trying to find him.” Adam dragged his hands across his face and slumped back into the couch. “Please. Where would he be?”

Gansey just looked at him. How was Adam supposed to explain what he wanted? Gansey wouldn’t understand. All Adam did was want things that he couldn’t have. He wanted a stable family, he wanted money, he wanted to get out of Henrietta. He had been trained to accept that he was not going to get what he wanted. But here was Ronan, something that Adam wanted, and something that Adam could, just maybe, have. He didn’t want to give this up. He wanted to work it out. With Ronan. Together. 

Adam did his best to convey that with his eyes as he stared back at Gansey. Gansey seemed to get the message. He sighed. “I don’t know if he was in any state to drive, so I don’t know how far he could have gotten. But you know where he usually holes up. Try the Barns, or the church. Maybe ask Henry if he crashed at his place.” He ran his thumb across his lower lip pensively. “Adam, if-slash-when you do find him, please. Be gentle with him.”

“Christ, Gansey, I know. You can cut the over-protective dad shit, okay?” Adam huffed. He was starting to grow irritated with this, he needed to go, _now_.

“No, Adam, I can’t cut the over-protective dad shit,” Gansey said, his voice low and sharp. “Do you know how he feels about you?”

“ _Yes_. I get it–”

“Then you know how much power you have right now. You could wreck him, Adam.” Adam sucked in a breath. 

“He could wreck me, too,” he whispered. Something seemed to click in Gansey’s head.

“Okay,” he said. “Then go find him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gansey was not meant to be in this story, but then i started writing their conversation and i liked where it was going so i didn't want to rush it.
> 
> also did not really mean to end both parts with such similar lines but now i kinda vibe with it. i'm rlly running with this "come find me" shit oops.
> 
> honestly pt 3 is either coming out later tonight or tomorrow morning, depending on when i pass out. does this story rlly need to be split up into chapters? no. but i like the way it looks so i did it anyway. 
> 
> kudos and comments feed my soul. please interact with this story. idk how it got to this point but plz lmk if it was worth it and if ur enjoying this
> 
> see u in pt 3, hope yall are well <3


	3. pt three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was meant to be out earlier but i have the shortest attention span on this planet. but here's the final part anyways.
> 
> as per usual, this has only been edited by myself and by grammarly, and grammarly hates everything i write so i ignored most of their suggestions oops. lmk if there's a mistake

Ronan was at the Barns. It was the last place on Adam’s initial checklist. He had gone to St. Agnes first, both to look for Ronan and to change into clothes that didn’t reek. Then he swung over to Henry’s place because it was closer. The house was trashed, and Henry seemed like he was still a little drunk, but Ronan wasn’t there. So Adam moved on.

Adam spotted the BMW when he pulled up into the gravel driveway. He then spotted Ronan sitting on the porch as he got out of the car. He lifted a hand in a sort of greeting. Ronan just stared at him. Adam took that as an invitation to approach.

He climbed the steps and stood a good distance away from Ronan, who was leaning on the railing. Adam cleared his throat. “Lynch,” he said awkwardly.

“Parrish. How’s the hangover?”

“Awful,” he replied. “You?” 

Ronan shrugged. “Not bad. But I wasn’t as gone as you were.” Adam nodded and shuffled his feet uncomfortably. “Did you, um. Did you black out? Do you,” he paused, and looked up at Adam, his eyes full of hope. “Do you remember everything?”

“No,” Adam said. Ronan seemed to visibly deflate. “Wait, no, I mean. No, I didn’t black out. Yes, I remember. Um. Everything.” Ronan just stared at him.

He remembered everything. Ronan couldn’t decide if that was better or worse than him possibly forgetting the whole night. It was better, because it meant that he hadn’t taken advantage of a blacked-out Adam and he wouldn’t have to deal with that damage.

It was worse, because it meant that now they had to talk about it.

After a moment, Ronan spoke. “I’m sorry,” he murmured quietly. Adam raised an eyebrow.

“For what?”

“For,” Ronan stumbled, “for getting you drunk, I guess? I know you don’t drink. I wasn’t trying to force anything on you. You just looked so  _ tense _ . And I know you don’t like the hard shit because of your past or whatever, so when I found Cheng’s secret bottle of Pink Whitney, I thought you might like it, or you might at least hate it less than something else, so I gave it to you. But I didn’t mean for you to get fucking hammered, so, sorry for that. And I’m sorry that you cried. Sorry that you’re hungover. Sorry for fucking everything.”

Now it was Adam’s turn to stare. Ronan’s not known for being the best at using his words. But he seemed to be doing just fine with that right now. Adam pressed on. “You’re sorry for everything?” he asked softly.

“Yes.”

Adam took a step closer. “Okay. Do you  _ regret _ everything?”

Ronan inhaled sharply. “I–,” he stammered, his eyes locked heavily on Adam’s. Adam took another step. Ronan took a deep breath in. “No,” he breathed.

Adam was now close enough that he could reach out and touch Ronan, if he wanted. He wasn't sure Ronan would let him, though. But it never hurts to try. “Okay. Good.” He placed his hand on the back of Ronan’s neck and leaned in. “Because I’m not sorry at all.”

The first time Adam and Ronan kissed, it was hot, and heady, and a bit sloppy. They were full of alcohol and full of desire. The only thing they could think was  _ more, more, more _ . 

The second time Adam and Ronan kissed, it was tender, and sweet, and completely chaste. Ronan was tense under Adam’s hand, but he didn’t pull away. Adam made no moves to deepen the kiss, only brushing his lips softly against Ronan’s before starting to move back. Ronan finally seemed to catch on, hands reaching up to cup at his jawline and lips moving against his own. It was still nowhere near as intense as last night, but Adam felt it all the way in his core. It felt right. It felt natural. It felt like Adam wanted to keep kissing Ronan again and again and again. 

After what could have been a minute or a year, they broke apart. Ronan’s cheeks were flushed. Adam was sure he looked equally as undone. He rested his forehead against Ronan’s, breathing slightly labored. Ronan pulled back and cleared his throat.

“Parrish–” he croaked, choking on his words. “I mean. Adam. What are you doing? What are  _ we _ doing?” If Adam didn’t know any better, he would say Ronan looked scared.

Ronan was actually fucking  _ terrified _ . Adam was his first kiss. Not because of a lack of opportunity, Kavinsky had given him plenty of chances to… do shit. But Ronan doesn’t do casual. He doesn’t do casual friendships, so why would he do casual relationships? But– Adam’s not like him. He could’ve read Ronan’s feelings wrong, assuming it was all just teenage desire. He could just be looking for a body to hold and a mouth to kiss. That’s not what Ronan wanted. And he had to be sure. 

Adam took a minute to think. What was he doing? To be honest, he wasn’t sure. This was all new to him. Not being attracted to Ronan, that was definitely very old, even if he didn’t want to admit it. But this was more than just attraction. With Blue, he wanted nothing more than to hold her and kiss her and call her his own. He assumed that that was how all people felt towards their significant others. With Ronan, it’s completely different. Of course, Adam wanted to hold him and kiss him and  _ touch _ him– dear God, he’s full of want. But Adam also wanted him to be happy. He wanted to help Ronan through his shit. He wanted Ronan to help him through his. He wanted to spend every day with him and then go home and fall asleep knowing that Ronan will be waiting for him in the morning. He wanted that stability. He wanted all of it. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admitted. “But— I know that I like you. A lot. So much that it kind of scares me. Is that enough?”

Ronan nodded. It was all he ever wanted, having Adam right here in front of him, reciprocating his feelings. How could he ask for more right now? “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, that’s enough for me.” 

The third time Adam and Ronan kissed, it was nothing like the other two. It was a kiss that couldn’t be described with words. It was a kiss that somehow conveyed the care, affection, hunger, and desire all at once. It was a kiss that said, “ _ I swear I’m serious about this.”  _ It was a kiss that said, “ _ I know you are, and I love you for it. _ This kiss was binding, this kiss made a promise that neither of them would ever dare to break. 

After that, they stopped counting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to cliche city folks, but i can't help myself.
> 
> tbh not the biggest fan of this ending, but i didn't know what to do with it. this was not meant to be broken up into 3 chapters, i just don't like the look of time skips and it wasn't finished all at once so i broke it up. also i do this thing where i kind of combine their povs bc i like knowing what their thinking, but idk if u all vibe with that or if u hate it (lmk plz). but anyways this is over now. i hope u liked it!!
> 
> kudos! comments! i love them. plz give me attention. i crave validation. all i want in life is for people to enjoy my writing, so if u did, don't be shy and let me know :)
> 
> also drop suggestions if there's anything u want to see from me. im having a lot of fun :D

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ corporate-hotline !! idk how to link things on ao3 nor do i know how to use tumblr plz teach me :P


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